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Lambda Literary Award 2014 Finalist in LGBT Nonfiction
Foreword Reviews’ INDIEFAB Book of the Year Award 2014 Finalist in Family & Relationships
Independent Publisher Book Awards 2015 (IPPY) Silver Medal in Sexuality/Relationships
Next Generation Indie Book Awards 2015 Winner in LGBT
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What if you weren't sexually attracted to anyone?
A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.
Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.
When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.
In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.
- Sales Rank: #618837 in Books
- Brand: Skyhorse Publishing
- Published on: 2015-10-13
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .80" w x 6.00" l, 1.00 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 240 pages
- Skyhorse Publishing
Review
“This title is an important resource for readers of any age who are struggling to understand their sexual orientation, or those who would like to better understand asexuality.” —Library Journal, starred review
“This book shines a much-needed light on an experience that’s far more common than most people realize. Julie Decker brings together the many different voices and stories of asexual people, presents valuable information, and offers helpful insight about how non-asexual people can be supportive. If you or someone you know is or might be asexual, read this book. And if you’re a sexuality or relationship professional, read this book. Asexuality is part of the sexuality spectrum and you need The Invisible Orientation on your shelves.”—Charlie Glickman, PhD, certified sexological bodyworker
“I’ll admit it: I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept—sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else? Boy, was I ignorant! This book is a comprehensive learning tool for those who are asexual, as well as those who are asexual curious. Advocating respect, this rare and precious resource will open your eyes and set the record straight in a clear and straightforward manner. Prepare to have your mind blown!” —Kendra Holliday, creator of The Beautiful Kind blog
“This is a long overdue book. It provides a sense of what it is like to be asexual that can sometimes be missing from academic work. . . . It is a book with the potential to make a positive difference to many people’s lives and help combat what the author describes as the ‘insidious form of exclusion’ that asexual people continue to experience.” —Mark Carrigan, Department of Sociology, University of Warwick
“This fascinating book will make more space for thoughtful understanding of sexual diversity and desire and help us understand just how variable human sexuality really is. For sex educators, therapists, and scholars, it’s a must-read. For asexual people (or the ‘A-questioning’), who are so frequently invisibilized and disrespected, it may well offer the kind of succor, support, and information that every person—across the sex, gender, and partnering spectra—deserves.” —Carol Queen, PhD, Founding Director, Center for Sex & Culture and author, Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture
About the Author
Julie Sondra Decker has been a prominent voice for the asexual community since 1998, spreading asexuality awareness through her popular videos and blog essays. She has been interviewed in many mainstream publications, including Marie Claire, Salon, and the Daily Beast, and she was a prominent interviewee in the documentary (A)sexual by Arts Engine. She is a regular contributor to Good Vibrations. As an aromantic, asexual woman, she is happily single and resides in Tampa, Florida.
Most helpful customer reviews
18 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
Great book for new ACES.
By Carolyn M. Stark
Just realized I was an asexual but never knew there was even such a thing. My doctor recommended this book. It has loads of information along with an index of terms, definitions and websites. You will learn a lot from this book if you are asexual, a parent of friend of an ace or just wondering what it is all about.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Highly Recommended
By Elis
This is an invaluable book for learning about asexuality. It's very easy to feel confusion about human sexuality whether it's your own or someone else. It can feel awkward or indecent to discuss openly and so valid differences never really get addressed. This is especially the case if it's an orientation that rarely gets acknowledged to boot.
This book introduces the basics of asexuality and is split into six categories outside the introduction: Asexuality 101, Asexual Experiences, The Many Myths of Asexuality, If You're Asexual (or Think You Might Be), If Someone You Know Is Asexual (or Might Be), and Other Resources. It covers a lot of ground without getting too detailed for someone just learning about it. Keep in mind this book assumes that the reader has a basic familiarity with LGBT issues and it isn't afraid to be frank in its discussion about sex. Some information is repeated throughout the book since it's written with the idea that someone will go to whichever chapter bears most relevance to them first, so you don't absolutely have to go from cover to cover.
My one minor critique is that I would have liked it to go into even more depth on sex repulsion, sex positivity, what those terms do and don't mean, and just how this can effect an asexual person specifically. Granted, this is supposed to be an introduction and it touches briefly on these subjects, so I don't know how fair a critique about wanting more details out of an introductory book is.
I also would have liked more examples of exclusively good elements to being asexual if that makes sense. This is done to some degree with references to asexual characters in media and famous people who identify as asexual, which were welcome additions to see. However, I think it's important to note that the fact that this book addresses the "negative" side to being ace is because disparaging remarks about asexuality or plain old misunderstandings are a genuine thing asexual people face. It's important to bear in mind that The Invisible Orientation goes out of its way to empower an asexual individual no matter what the scenario is and especially the more difficult ones, however. The chapter "Other Resources" also provides some excellent resources to connect with with other asexual people and their allies.
I think this book will answer more questions than not and is written in an understanding and compassionate way. Highly recommended for anyone who is struggling with being asexual, someone who knows someone who is struggling with it, and anyone who simply wants to broaden their understanding of these issues. I hope more books on asexuality and asexual experiences will follow both from this author and from others.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
It's high time such a book was published
By Barbara W. Klaser
This is such a good book, and high time such a book was published.
If you identify as asexual or know someone who does, or even if you don't know of anyone who is, or don't know what I'm talking about, you should read this book. In fact if you are at all interested in how humans relate to each other, you should read The Invisible Orientation.
This is a comprehensive look at a neglected sexual orientation, written in a way that's sensitive to all the nuances and forms asexuality can take. Asexuality is a natural, in-born orientation in something around 1% of the population. The term "asexual" when applied to sexual orientation means that one isn't sexually attracted to anyone or experiences no sexual desire. It's been so unrecognized, until about 10 or 12 years ago, that there wasn't even a name for it. People who experienced asexuality didn't know they weren't alone until the Internet began to make it possible to connect and realize there were others out there who experienced the same thing.
Julie Sondra Decker provides lots of information here, and in an organized way that's accessible and highly readable, with sensitivity to the many issues that arise when one sets out to define or explain asexuality. She includes numerous Internet and reading resources. Highly recommended.
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